9 Cool and Healthy Reasons Men Should Grow Beards

If a man has a beard, he's not going to have to shave if he grows a mustache to go with it. He has only a small patch to shave with no mustache. He can shave that with the little electric razor he was given when he was last in the hospital.

I like having a beard. What’s funny is when you shave a beard, you realize how freezing cold your face is! The primary purpose evolution-wise is to keep you warm, to grow hair on your face. You shave it off, and your face is freezing for a few days.

Young men with beards must keep them trimmed and tidy unless they live here in Idaho and work at home on a farm where cows and hogs have no interest in beards. Old men will never have to trim their beards unless they are made by their wife.

My son and I know that beards are important in winter, and he knows better than I do.

He's the one out in a dairy corral standing behind the cows in ten-below-weather. His legs slip on frozen cow manure. His arm is up to the shoulder of a cow in a pregnancy-control position.

In the winter, my son can watch a string of 300 cows much faster than in the summer. The only warm thing in the winter is the arm that's stuck in the cow.

That's why my son likes a beard in the winter.

A few years ago, my son was called to a church position that required him not to wear a beard. He showed the local leader's pictures of early church leaders with beards a long leg. Well, that didn't work. Then he said that he was over 30 years old and had to wear a beard in the tradition of his early Jewish forbearers. They said that his Welch and English ancestry were probably not Jewish, and that he would have to get rid of the beard.

He froze his poultices off that winter.

With all that, it's time to tell you why I grow a beard. Here are my reasons:

  • It keeps my face warm in the winter (especially if I'm indoors).

  • My wife likes it. Other women say that they like it too while shaking their heads.

  • Some men like it except the ones who can not grow a decent beard. These are the local Piute Indians and the Chinese guy down the street that serves the "Ptomaine Special."

  • It proves I can grow hair other than in my ears and my nose.

  • Squirrels have a place to hide their nuts.

  • It is a haven for small songbirds that eat the crumbs my beard collects when I eat. Last year I counted 17 species of warbler. One was a (rare in these parts) Cerulean Warbler.

  • It gives me something to tug on while I'm having deep thoughts or making grandiose plans.

  • It sops up my drool.

  • It's the only thing that I can do that my wife can't.

There are pitfalls with a beard. You have to watch what you do when you cut your own hair. I cut my hair last summer when I noticed that a small lawn mower had passed through my beard, leaving a swath that wasn't easy to repair. I was trying to balance the beard, first on one side and then on the other. I didn't have a beard left to repair pretty soon.

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